genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
