Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
