i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
