saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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