So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
