literally had 100 drinks last night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
