that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
