i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
