i would punch a child for taco bell
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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