i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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