I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
