Cold hands, warm shart.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
