He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
