well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
