And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
