Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
