No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
