Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
