new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
