she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
