Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
