bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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