I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
