I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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