I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
