brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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