OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
