Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
