wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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