I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
