Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
