Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
