from now on my penis is your penis
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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