if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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