So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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