Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
