meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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