my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
