it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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