Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
