She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
