I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Randomize
