He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
