I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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