Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
...so i touched it.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
