She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hello my rib-scented angel!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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