i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
