Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
