nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
