If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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