I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
