You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
