thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
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