we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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