I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
