you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
