Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
