Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
