Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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