i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
