I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
