I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
