My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
