I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
