I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
