I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
