News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
