Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
