During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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