Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
well I can't set my house on fire every night
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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