Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize