I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
