Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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