my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I cut my penus on the lid.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
